Aren't they just awful!
They are possibly the worst thing ever. Why was that word even invented? Why couldn’t people just not say anything at all and then we wouldn’t have to get upset about not seeing someone. There wouldn’t be anything to say to them, so we could just turn around and walk off. Although, I suppose then we’d say couldn’t we have a word to say “goodbye”. Hmm
Today, I left my Dad. I hate saying goodbye to him. Everytime I am supposed to go to his, I dread it because I always feel I need to impress him. Yet, when I’m there, I always have such a wonderful time.
This time, Elspeth and her family were there. When I was little, I was terrified of my “step-aunt” but yesterday when she arrived, I realised she was no where near as terrifying as I thought she was.
At one stage, I never used to find saying goodbye to my Dad at all difficult. I went through a stage where I really hated going to his house and it was always a joy to leave it, but now I’m older, I think I appreciate things a lot more and appreciate being able to jet off for a skiing holiday and visit him. A lot of people envy me because he lives abroad, but I would honestly love nothing more than for him to be in England. At least then I could see him when I wanted to and could see him more than twice a year!
I have been in tears all morning dreading the point where I have to say that awful word and watch him waving from the platform. There’s always one image that’s stuck in my head, like the other day when he looked at me and said “I think I might have a hamburger. I haven’t had one in years!”. They’re often really silly things like that, but I’m not used to seeing them. It’s so wonderful to see his face light up with an enormous smile on it when he thinks of something good. That’s what I’m always left thinking when I leave him. It never helps when I miss him, because suddenly that gorgeous little lit up face pops up in my mind which seems to make everything so much worse.
Already, I want to go back, but I need to find a date. With University semester dates, coursework and deadlines, it makes coming out so much more difficult, which is why I only end up seeing him once and, sometimes if I’m lucky!?, twice a year.
I miss him so much, but I must remember that he chooses (ish) to be out there and even if he did come back into England, he wouldn’t be able to live here for more than 90 days.
Isn’t it stupid how people being nice to you can often make you so much more upset. You would have thought that people being nice to you would make everything better, but to cheer me up, people are sending me texts and giving me hugs. Part of me is extremely grateful to them, but the other half of me just wants them to leave me along. I just want to get home and get back into the normal routine of things. Obviously I’d love to come back out, but when I get home, I’ll have to have a look at my dates and try and work something out.
I love my Dad, I really do. I just hope he knows that and realises just how much I miss him.
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